Maybe I’m the Spawn of Satan

I have a choice.  That’s the beauty of being human.

Sometimes it looks like a war.  A war raging inside, but ultimately it’s a choice.  A choice of who’s going to govern my soul, and I get to decide.

First, there’s myself.  I can choose myself.  I have the freedom to declare, “I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul”.  Now, I’m going to be honest, this is definitely my first choice, because who doesn’t want the best for me more than myself?  The problem is, I’m hazy on a few of life’s questions and I run out of ideas around 8 pm.

Then, there’s my creator.  I can choose to forfeit my leading rights and entrust my soul to the one who formed me.  I can hold up my hands and say, “Thank goodness, someone around here knows what’s really going on!  I choose Him”!

I made my choice a long time ago.  I chose God.  I abandoned all other notions and chose to love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength.

On my journey to love God and make him captain, I read things in the Bible, like:

The heart is desperately wicked.

No human can tame the tongue. It’s full of deadly poison.

Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.  {Oh, dear God, that’s how Satan fell from heaven.  He was full of pride!!}

I began to fear and despise myself.  Just what was I capable of doing?  I was terrified that if I was left alone for too long, I’d sprout horns.  Maybe I’m the spawn of Satan.

This growing fear began to affect the way I viewed God and his love for me.  God loves me, sure, but it’s a love like the love I have for the neighbor kid.  It’s more of a tolerating kind of love.  I lovingly tolerate that kid, because that’s what a good neighbor does.

God loving tolerates me, because that’s what a good God does.

But, you see, I had it all wrong.

When my heart said, “YES!” to Jesus, who put that yes in my heart?  Was it Satan?  Um, no.  Was it me?  No, I already told you I was my own first choice .  No, God himself put the longing in my heart.  He gave me the capacity to love him, but only because he loved me first.

And He loves me with a love as strong as death, but even more his DESIRE is for me.  He says, Show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.  My love, there is no flaw in you. 

My weak love ravishes God’s heart.  He sees the ‘yes’ in my heart and he takes great delight in me.  He’s my biggest cheerleader as I journey to love him with my whole heart.

I’m not Satan.  I’m a human.

I’m a human who can overwhelm the heart of God with one loving glance.