Matt walked in the door and asked, “How you feeling today”?
Trapped. I feel trapped. I’ve been washing dishes, floors and clothes for weeks, no, years. There are needy kids everywhere I go, and I’m not sure I can do this much longer.
Matt throws me the keys and says, “Go! You don’t have to come back until tomorrow”! He knows things get ugly when this tigress begins to feel trapped.
He didn’t have to ask me twice. As I tried to tiptoe out the door, I was followed by delightful children wanting to give kisses, hugs, and more kisses. As I passed out kisses, I felt a tinge of guilt because they had no idea they were part of the reason I needed to get away.
Not having too many options wearing my two-day sweats on a Tuesday, I did the responsible thing and used my freedom to go grocery shopping. I felt like Girls Gone Wild as I tossed chips and soda into the basket. I danced in the isle like no one was watching while Michael Jackson sang, “Man In the Mirror” over the intercom.
I took my time and returned home after I knew the kids were in bed. Matt and I enjoyed each other’s company while he put the groceries away. I went to bed feeling refreshed.
You see, I can pray and read scriptures all day about God renewing my strength (and I do), but I’ve learned that God doesn’t work with mystical fairy dust. He works with the natural laws He set into motion long ago.
If I’m feeling trapped, I can’t play the martyr and keep doing what I’m doing and pray that God will make me feel better. I need to take Michael Jackson’s advice; if I want a change, then I need to start with the {wo}man in the mirror. That’s when God is able to sweep in and renew my spirit & strength.
What changes do you make to allow yourself to be renewed by God?
I absolutely love your transparency. I started following your blog after a I saw it recommended by a fb friend. Since reading, I have come to discover that I am not alone. I am not perfect, my kids drive me crazy and guess what…He still loves me just the way I am. Thanks for sharing your sorrows and the happy times. It has truly made me reevaluate so many mindsets that I have and realize a lot about myself, whether it be good or bad. Prayers for you this day my friend.
Thank you so much for sharing this with me!! This is exactly why I decided to share the darkness and not just the good stuff, because for so long I thought I was the only one and I must be a “bad” Christian bc I struggled with all the stuff that was “bad”. Thanks again! {hugs}
It’s like you read my mind! I just wrote a post about this last night, but it’s not scheduled until April for the A to Z challenge. Getting some alone time is sooooo important! Always good to relax and unwind and do something for you. My new thing is going to be taking my computer out to a coffee shop some place to write. Love my kids, but they are loud, LOL.
You know what they say about great minds! 🙂 I just went to a Starbucks and wrote a few days ago. Ended up rewriting everything I wrote, but it still felt good to get away.
I try to go to “therapy” once a week. It is something I learned from my mother-in-law. Every Monday night she would go “to therapy with Mrs. C.” Both had 5 children at home and they needed a break. They would go to coffee for an hour or so and just sit and talk, maybe vent a bit about the husband and kids, but mostly it was just “Mommy time” without someone needing something from them. It has become my sanity break sometimes.
And I know what you mean about shopping alone – it is amazing to be able to look at the labels and survey all of my choices instead of just grabbing the first thing I see or the one my little man insists we need.
(visiting you a little late from the SITS Comment Love group)
It is a good thing to have someone to go out with. Someone who gets you. That’s a great idea about scheduling it every week. Thanks for stopping by.
Funny how you’re posts always seem to coincide with what I’m dealing with. 🙂
What do I do? Nothing. I have always succumbed to the guilt of not being a good mom when I feel the need to get away from it all. All the while, hating myself for the bad attitude that I have around them when I allow the mundane to get me down. Not to mention, the guilt I feel when instead of greeting my husband with a hug, kiss, and a smile when he walks through the door, he gets a sour-puss, worn-out, wife.
Maybe I’ll take your advice…..I think I’ll do it tonight! 😉
Isn’t it crazy how that seems to happen? Well, tonight’s your night. Go, do something you love. Daydream. And leave guilt in the dust!! Can’t wait to hear what you do!
I know what you mean completely! Especially with all the snowstorms we’ve had lately. My cabin fever is kicking in! I actually have made some good changes in the last couple days though. I have been going to bed early and waking up early so I can have a better start to my days. I’ve always been working on getting my 8mo to sleep through the night.
Going to be at a decent hour definitely is a game changer for me too! I remember the baby sleeping through the night phase. {hugs}
Charity, you amaze me! I treasure reading your story and so remember those days. Now that my kids can be left alone, I so miss the days they needed me! You are so strong. Praying for you and Matt
Thank you so much, Michelle! You are such a special friend (that I never see. sniff. sniff.). Thanks for all your love and support from a distance. xoxo 🙂
Man in the Mirror is my JAM. So is Walking in Memphis.
There’s nothing like jamming with MJ! 🙂
Charity, I love to read your blog although I’m a lot older than you. I’m thankful that each of you have access to each other through the internet and can share your ups and downs because they’re all normal. It’s part of a life journey. 43 years ago I became a single parent with very few avenues to connect with others going through the same or with any sense that the feelings I was going through were normal. Totally different time. There are struggles of many different colors as your wings continue to unfurl and I’m confident many are helped by your sharing. Their hurts may be so deep they can’t let anyone know right now but knowing others are going down similar paths matters. God bless you in all you do privately and publicly.
Thank you so much, Darlene! I’m always encouraged to hear from others. I think all the time how the internet has untied us in such a unique way, and the more I share the more I see others opening up to the big wide world sharing their stories. 🙂 xoxo