I Don’t Love People


As a lifelong Christian, so many times I’ve heard

Love your neighbor as yourself

It’s been more of a Jesus cliché than a commandment of Jesus.  I heard and said all the buzz words to help me accomplish how to do it:

Others first.


Pour myself out.

Bless others.

Do Life Together.

Blah. Blah. Blah.

I’m just gonna put it all out there, but I secretly thought,

I don’t love people.  I barely like them.

Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to.  I tried to.

Smiles, hugs, Starbucks meet-ups, food donations & hand-outs, nice emails & texts, community groups.

Love?  Nope.

Annoyed?  Yes.

I would pray for God’s help, but I continued to lived under guilt, because I must love myself too much and God too little to struggle with loving others.

Then this good girl went wild.  I dared to defy religious tradition and I began to think about myself.  I risked God’s wrath and put myself before everyone else.

I was astonished to find a scared and wounded girl who secretly hated herself.  I desperately wanted to be free from my inner agony, so I allowed myself to believe I was worthy to be loved.  I embraced my brokenness and accepted the darkness within me. I began to let God love me and show me how to love myself.

Here lies the paradox, this sounds like I would become more selfish and more self centered as I focused on loving myself, but in actuality I’ve started to have an overwhelming desire to connect with others at a heart level.  Discovering my brokenness and understanding God’s ravished love for me makes it possible for me to love myself AND other people.

You see, I always struggled to love my neighbors, because I didn’t know how to love myself.


I Deserve Love

The key to loving my neighbor as myself is first I must love myself.

16 thoughts on “I Don’t Love People

  1. Stacy says:

    I love your blog. What a great ministry! Do you realize how you are impacting people with your stories and testimonies! This really struck something in me today. Tears were flowing like a river as I read it. I struggle with the same thing. I distance myself from people because of fear of rejection or that they might really get to know me and find out I’m really not as likeable as I seem. All the while, feeling so lonely because I really long to be connected with people. After all, one of my love languages is quality time!

    O Lord, teach us to love as You love. Not only seeing the value in others, but seeing the value in ourselves! Help us to live as You lived…kind, tender-hearted, and merciful. Soften our hearts to be responsive to those around us. Your unfailing love never ends! We want to imitators of You!

    • Charity says:

      Stacy, thank you so much for sharing. It’s never easy facing the darkness inside, but the more I let it out the more I realize I’m not the only one holding it all in and the more I learn I’m freaking out more about it than God is. 🙂

  2. Life with Kaishon says:

    I am glad you were able to learn to love yourself and then others : ).
    I really love interacting with people. I try to remember every day that I am sharing Jesus with my life even if I don’t say a word. So, I try not to be a mean and angry driver. I try not to be mean to customer service. I try to be nice even when the person won’t ever see me face to face : ). Life is way too short to dislike others.

    • Charity says:

      It’s been so liberating loving myself and others. Life came alive and yes, driving has become a much more pleasant experience for other drivers, me and my kids. 🙂

  3. Pingback: Will You Let Me Love You? - The Wounded Dove

  4. Brittany says:

    Interesting. I don’t think we should all be self-centered and always think of ourselves first. But there definitely has to be a balance, and we do sometimes need to find some healing ourselves before we can properly let others in. Loving others shouldn’t be an obligation, but an extension of the joy and love that fills us and overflows out to other people.

    • Charity says:

      I know, I was always afraid to think or love myself because that was full of pride & selfishness. It was a hard thing to let go of.

  5. Ayanna says:

    What a beautiful, honest post. I think there are lots of us out there who have dealt with these feelings. The beauty of it is that you handed it over to God!!! He is the only one who can truly help us overcome! But the key is to hand it over and allow Him to work in us!! Great post! Thanks for sharing your beautiful heart! xx #sitsblogging

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