I’ve gained 15 pounds this past year. In all fairness to myself, I did lose 10 pounds while Matt and I were separated, but now I weigh the same as I did at my biggest point of pregnancy, except this time there’s not another person growing inside of me.
Guess what? I’m not freaking out about it. Granted, I’m not happy about it either.
I’ve been on this amazing journey of self-discovery and emotional healing. I’ve discovered how much God enjoys me in my weakness and I’m learning to enjoy myself, too, on my messy journey.
I’ve experienced more freedom, laughter, and love in this past year, then I’ve experienced my entire life. I can say, my heart is hopeful and excited about tomorrow and a bad day no longer means a bad life.
I’m not freaking out about my weight gain because, I’m still on a journey. A journey I’ll be on until the day I die.
In my life journey I’m now standing at a crossroads. I’ve found balance and health in my inner woman, and now I’m standing at a place where now I’m going to journey toward physical health. I’m learning to love me and part of loving me is taking care of myself, both the inside and outside.
I don’t have everything figured out, actually, I don’t have anything figured out, but I do have a plan on how I’m going to begin my journey to physical health maturity.
1. I must believe that I deserve to be healthy and that I can be healthy. If there’s anything I’ve learned in my short life, it’s that 90% of the battle is won in my head. If I can win that battle then, I’m already successful. So, I’m having to reboot my mind and start all over. First, I’ve begun to diss the lies and kiss the truths. Anytime I hear negative thoughts about my body or weight, I capture them and mentally toss them out. Then, I actually think of myself as my goal weight. I visualize myself eating healthy foods and actually liking them! Before I can see physical changes in my lifestyle, I must first see them in my head!
2. I am kind to myself and forgive myself. I still drink my sodas and I still eat the chips. I don’t allow myself excuses, but I also don’t allow myself to shame me with guilt and condemnation. I simply sip my soda and practice #1. I’m on a journey and one day my desire to be healthy will be stronger than my love for junk food. So, today I forgive myself for my unhealthy habits and let God and myself enjoy me right where I stand.
3. My ultimate goal is a lifetime of healthy balance. I’m no expert, but I’ve been around enough people to know extreme doesn’t work. Well, it works for like two weeks, but eventually we all burn out and give up. So, with that, I’m not looking for Plexus, Body Wraps, ‘organic, dairy-free, gluten-free, fat-free vegan’ or a lifetime gym membership. I’m going to practice small changes, like, one soda a day, instead of 5 or parking my car at the back of the lot. I’m going to find a balance somewhere between ‘uber-control’ and ‘out-of-control’.
So, as I sit here typing, Christian squeezes my arm fat and asks for a drink of my Pepsi, I smile, because all that’s about to change.
This is so wise. Not just your changes, but your whole attitude. I used to be stuck in that pit of self-despair over my weight. And I had a friend who died from an eating disorder just recently. It’s almost counter-cultural to NOT be extreme. Good for you for setting the example!!
I’m so sorry about the loss of your friend. That is very difficult, I’m sure. Thank you for your encouragement! I’m working on making the change. It’s not always easy. 🙂
Enjoyed your read on healthy living by choice. I have read a few books that have helped me other than the bible. Made to Crave is an excellent read by Lysa TerKeurst, opened my understanding on my “healthy choices” also The Daniel Plan by Rick Warren, haven’t read this all the way through but it’s so encouraging. I want to be healthy so that I will be around to see my 14 year old grow up to be a great man, my grandchildren to grow up and to enjoy the life Christ has intended for me, I don’t ever want to take that for grant it again. It’s been a total different lifestyle but I’m doing it one day at a time and it’s great to be healthy while living. I do feel much better with myself. God bless you, I so enjoy your reads.
Thank you for sharing the different resources. I love keeping resources around that keep my mind filled with truths as I work to re-program my mind. We’ll keep doing it, one day at a time! Thanks, Darlene. 🙂