This road is unpredictable, it winds and turns, it dips and rises before me, but never visible beyond this second. I take one step and another, always moving forward, but never sure of where it will take me. It’s my road that I must travel.
My knees are bloody from all the times that I’ve fallen, my arms are scarred from the thorns ripping at my flesh, my heart, with multiple fractures inflicted from others, beats heavy as I carry the journey’s luggage along with me. Tucked under my shirt is my bag of disappointments: the less than perfect marriage, the dream home we never got, the debt, the imperfect body, the short end of the stick, the injustice, the betrayal. They’re all there, pressing against my body. Their hot acid burning my skin.
I let the pain linger before I turn my pain into hate, hate against those who’ve hurt me on this road. I hate them for leaving me in this shamble, for forcing me to carry this burden. I hate them for walking away, leaving me like yesterday’s garbage. The pain is always with me. I can never escape their memories, so with great misery, I trudge forward, leaving a black stain behind me.
I blame my abusers for my plight. It’s their fault that I’m living the way I am, that my life is so miserable: it’s the fault of my parents, my husband, my children, my boss, the government. If somehow, I could go back and pick a better husband, or if I could get another job, or if someone else was in the White House, then things would be better.
The truth is, there is no one else walking down my road. Everyone else is traveling down their own personal path. This is my road, this is my journey. Sure, others may cross my path, wound my flesh, and cause me pain, but it’s up to me what I’m going to do with those wounds. Will I let them bleed and fester or will I get help and heal? It’s up to me how I’m going to feel each and every moment and it’s up to me who and what I’m going to be. Am I going to hold tight to life’s disappointments or will I leave them on the side of the road as just a memory?
I’m not a victim of my life. I have the power to save this life from destruction and disappointment. I don’t need my husband’s approval, or my children’s either. I don’t need to justify my journey to those around me. This is not their life to save, it’s mine.
Scripture itself says, Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.
Your life is worth saving, but it’s up to you.
Exactly. If I spent time focusing on the aspects of my life that might look wrong to other people (or even myself of days past ) I would be pretty darned miserable. Sometimes I think it is all the bad stuff that has happened that has helped me to “get” all the wonderfulness constantly surrounding me, from the migrating turkey vultures waltzing through the sky above the huge pine tree three doors up or the “wrong” turn up an alley that brought me to a gorgeous bouganvillea (sorry for the misspelling, a tricky word!) to the perfect dress found at a thrift store of all places… and so many other blessings. What a gorgeous life! What a blessing! What a gift!
Thanks for writing & being you, Charity!
Yes! Your poetic description is beautiful.
Beautiful description and reminder. It’s so easy to blame everyone else instead of stepping up and choosing to work on yourself. Thank you!
Thank you! And thank you for taking the time to read and comment.
It’s so easy to compare our paths to others’ isn’t it? And to think ours is hard. Or sometimes, it looks not as hard, and therefore not as important to the world. Ironic that we “randomly” linked next to each other on 31 Days but wrote on similar themes. Send you grace for your journey.
Comparison is so easy, but so destructive. It’s the enemy of happiness, joy and creativity. It is uncanny, that we have similar themes. 🙂
Things that happen to us are all for a reason, even if we don’t see it at the time. They can make us miserable and bitter, but living that way will dry up our bones. Proverbs 17:22 A merry heart doeth good like a medicine, but a broken spirit drieth the bones.” We need to keep a merry heart. Choosing to be positive, choosing to smile, choosing joy will change our environment and will even become infectious.Things, even negative ones, are teachable moments from God. It could be that we are to share our testimony with someone down the road to help them. It could be that God is trying to correct something in us. It’s hard to see when your in the middle of it. Take a step back and look at the situation. Ask, what can I learn from this? Then keep moving forward.
Keep moving forward! Yes! Thanks for stopping by.
It’s up to you… it’s up to me. We can lay blame. We can cry. We can ask God why and shake our fist at the sky… but the only thing we can truly change is us. And even that is debatable… because I surely couldn’t make myself better. Only He could. Beautiful post. Thank you for sharing.
I just heard someone say, “It’s not about changing, it’s about progressing”. That may turn into a blog post one day. But regardless, it’s up to us. Thanks for stopping by.
Great reminder that we have to take responsibility for our lives and trust God with every detail – both the gory ones and the beautiful ones!! I stopped by after seeing you on my blog and I am glad I did!!!!
Trust is the key to success for sure! Thanks for stopping by!
I agree with you. We have our own journey, or own story, our own path.
But I also don’t – because we are also called to bear one another’s burdens (Gal 6:2) and as Christians we work out our salvation in the context of the local body. We have comfort knowing that our trials are essentially common (1 Cor 10:13) and seek to gain wisdom from those who have walked ahead of us, and we reach out to those who are behind us, sharing the hope we have found to those who are just starting out, as part of our healing.
Yes, everything you say is so true. We are supposed to bear one another’s burdens, but not fix them or take responsibility for them. It’s more of a healthy boundary thing. “I’m here for you, and to hurt with you, but ultimately you have to make the decisions of your life.” Thanks for taking the time to share you thoughts, I appreciate it!