The Day I Found Out About My Husband’s Affair {Part 1}

I never dreamed I’d write about the day I found out about my husband’s affair.

My body was violently out of control.  My mind was tumbling from the shock.  Holding the seven pages of our most recent phone bill confirmed my worst fear.

You need to get control of yourself, Charity.

My Husband's affairIn desperation, I opened the refrigerator, pulled out half a bottle of wine, planted my lips and chugged it in one breath.  Never letting go of the phone bill.  I was thankful my four kids were already in bed because this was a new low for me.

I called Matt.  No answer.

I texted Matt.  No answer.

For two months I knew something was wrong, but all my private investigating was coming up empty.  There weren’t blocks of unaccounted time (even that night I knew he was giving guitar lessons to the girl of my suspicions. Also, my suspicion was that she played just as well he did.).  He came home on time every night.  We were still having sex.  In fact, two weeks before he insisted on a two day getaway that we enjoyed.

Still, something was wrong.

When my veins began to warm and my panic subsided, I decided to wait on the porch.  I had highlighted the number on all the pages for a greater effect and now all I could do was stare at the number printed over and over, day after day.  I had to be dreaming.  I called Matt four or five more times with increasing frequency because I just had to know.

By the time the headlights hit the driveway, I managed to activate Ice Princess. Somewhere along my life journey, I discovered this to be the best way to protect myself in vulnerable moments.

The second he walked up to the porch, he knew I knew.  Stunned, he knew there was nothing else to do, except confess.  He was having an affair.  My head began to spin.  I’m not sure if it was from the wine, the shock, or both.  I was numb and tumbling.  I didn’t know what to say or do.  I mean, what do you say to the person you’ve given your whole heart after you discover he’s stabbed it?

A cheating husband was my worst fear.

I’m sure it’s every woman’s worst fear, but somehow I thought we were the exception.  We loved Jesus.  Matt was a worship pastor at one of the biggest churches in our city, for crying out loud.  I was the nursery director.  We were in love.

And here we stood, lost, confused, and scared.

After our brief exchange, I didn’t know what else to do, so I suggested one of us leave.  Obviously, Matt.  Standing at the top of the stairs I watched the love of my life close the door behind him.

Then, I turned and went to bed. {Part 2} My Induction into Sainthood here.

40 thoughts on “The Day I Found Out About My Husband’s Affair {Part 1}

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  35. Jill says:

    Devastating. But I’m in your same boat, I think. Still terrified of going back years in phone and text records but I need to. I need to know, I need to find proof and I need him at admit.

    • Charity Craig says:

      My heart is breaking for you. I know you’re about to walk into a sh!t storm, and you’re about to experience a pain you didn’t know existed, but be brave friend. If there’s any piece of advice I can give is for you to get yourself into therapy (not marriage). You’re gonna need a safe space to navigate this new chapter. I’m sending you all my love.

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