I’m Shattered: I Found Out About My Husband’s Affair

My world just shattered, because I just found out about my husband’s affair.

The words feel like shrapnel ripping through your heart.

Maybe you’re holding the proof in your hands: a text, an email, or a phone bill that confirms your worst fear. Maybe you’re reeling from his confession, still in shock, still trying to catch your breath. If you’re here, I want you to know something: you’re not alone, even if it feels like you are.

I remember that day like it was yesterday.

The wave of nausea, the shaking hands, the disbelief, it was as if my entire body was betraying me, spinning out of control while my mind desperately tried to make sense of it all. And if that’s where you are right now, I see you. I know the chaos that comes after discovering your husband’s affair.

You’re pacing, unable to focus on anything but what you just discovered. Maybe you’re alternating between wanting to scream and just wishing you could make it all disappear. The pain is visceral, like someone ripped something out of you.

You don’t have to figure it all out today.

But here’s what I want to tell you: You don’t have to figure it all out today. You don’t have to know what comes next. There’s no rush to any finish line. It’s okay to breathe, to let yourself feel everything. There are no “right” steps to take when your heart has been shattered.

In the immediate aftermath of finding out, it’s normal to feel completely lost.

Maybe you’ve already called him, texted him, desperately hoping he’d say something—anything—that could somehow undo what you know to be true. Maybe you find yourself scrolling through every piece of evidence, replaying moments in your mind, trying to see where it all went wrong. You’re probably wondering how you missed the signs, questioning if you could have done something differently.

But the truth is, your husband’s affair isn’t your fault.

There will be voices in your head that whisper lies:
I must not be enough…
If only I did more…
I’m so stupid for not seeing this coming.
But please, let me assure you, his choices are not a reflection of your worth.

I know right now, everything is uncertain. You don’t know whether you’ll ever trust him again, whether you’ll stay or leave, whether your heart can even survive this. And if you’re anything like I was, there’s probably a small whisper that wonders, “Maybe we can make it through this.”

I want you to know it’s okay not to have all the answers about your husband’s affair today.

There’s a part of you that might want to slam the door on everything you thought you knew. There’s another part, though—a quieter voice that wonders if maybe, just maybe, this doesn’t have to be the end. And that’s okay, too.

The truth is, it’s too early to decide anything right now. You’re still in shock, your heart is still raw, and you need time to breathe. Right now, your focus is on you. Let yourself cry if you need to. Allow yourself to grieve. If you want to scream into a pillow, do it. There is no right way to handle this moment.

Here’s what you can do today to start finding your footing:

1. Take care of your body. The shock of betrayal can make it easy to forget to eat, drink water, or sleep. Even if it feels impossible, try to nourish yourself in small ways. Drink a glass of water. Wrap yourself in a warm blanket. Take deep breaths to calm your racing heart.
2. Give yourself permission to not have all the answers. You don’t need to decide today if you’ll stay or go, whether you’ll forgive him or not. Allow yourself to take things one hour, one minute at a time. It’s okay just to survive today.
3. Acknowledge your emotions without judgment. There’s no “wrong” way to feel right now. Anger, confusion, heartbreak, even moments of numbness—they’re all part of this wild rollercoaster. Whatever you feel, it’s valid.

And lastly, I want you to hold onto this: Your story is not over. Whether you and your husband reconcile, you start a new chapter alone, or something you can’t even imagine yet, it doesn’t end here.

I’m not going to sugar coat this. You’re going to walk through hell. This will be a dark night of the soul, but I promise you will make it through. You’re stronger than you think, even if you don’t feel it right now.

For now, be gentle with yourself. You don’t have to figure out the ending today.

You’re not alone. I’m in your corner.