We’ve all been told American children are at the bottom of the world spectrum of education. We know our children in the public schools suffer from ignorance, mediocracy, and failure. We’ve all been sold on the bill of no child left behind, but our future generations are being left behind in this world at an exponential rate.
We no longer feel safe in the public education institutions. The past few years the media has rang the horror of innocents being gunned down by wounded and out of control individuals. High schools feel more like prison camps with the daily patrols and weapon scanners. As parents, fear grips our hearts as we watch our tender babies walk into uncertain places.
A lifetime ago, I wasn’t a mom. I was the teacher staring back at 22 sets of eyes. I remember the overwhelming responsibility to keep them all on task and learning right at their perfect level. I remember holding tiny girls on the playground because bullies show up even at age five. I watched all learning stop, and the class wait while one struggling child created chaos in the room.
So, when I became a mommy, all I wanted was to protect my babies from all things evil, and give them every opportunity for the best education possible. The thought of my children, my heartbeats, suffering, failing or falling behind, made my very heart stop. I would do anything to protect them from the punches life gives.
I’m not the only one who feels this way, because, by the droves, families are pulling their children from the public system to educate their children at home and on their terms. They’re protecting their children, they’re giving them time, and freedom. Parents are taking responsibility for their children’s learning. And this is exactly what I planned to do.
I created space for learning and freedom in our home. I planned our curriculum, organized notebooks, and researched all the criteria required to homeschool our children. We embarked on a journey of a self-driven education all in the protection of our home, except most days were spent fighting with my children. Weeks would go by without a break from each other, and daily, one of us would have a meltdown that left more than one of us in a puddle of tears. My children were learning, but no one was having fun.
By the time bedtime rolled around, I couldn’t get them to bed fast enough. I would yell, shout and rush them along. I skipped prayers, cuddles and bedtime stories, because I just couldn’t take another moment with my brood. We didn’t like each other and we were tired of being at home. I discovered we had tons of quantity time together, but very little quality time, and I was sinking under the sea of guilt for failing as a mother. I knew something wasn’t right. I felt trapped, and I’m pretty sure so did my children. Something had to change.
I listened to what my children were saying, and I listened to what my heart was saying. That’s when I began to entertain the thought, “maybe homeschool isn’t for us”. That right there sent me under the sea of guilt for failing as a homeschool mother. It took me weeks of grieving before I could move on to a plausible solution. I grieved the loss of plan A. I mourned that my perfect plan wasn’t working, and that we were going to need a new plan. I had to accept that giving up homeschool wasn’t failing. Failing would be refusing to change.
So, how did I change? How did Matt and I let go of our lost dream? Did I give up my responsibility of giving my children the best education possible? Did I decide my children’s safety was no longer my concern? How could I possibly be ok with sending my children into the wolves’ den of bullies? How?
One word.
Trust.
I began to trust that there is good in this world, and that good will follow my children everywhere they go. I trust that we will be able to encourage them to push harder, go further, and be more than what anyone tells them they can. I trust that they will learn who they truly are, and become just that. I trust that when they do experience the bully who tries to dim their light, I will be there to fan their flame bright again. I trust that when they fall through the cracks of the protection I’ve built around them, they will always fall into the net of Love. I trust that they will learn that good always will win, and they can be the good.
As our family begins this new season of our life, I still feel my heart beat with trepidation, but I continue to trust in the good. As I listen to stories of new best friends, teachers with good attitudes, and I see little hearts full of anticipation for the good that lies ahead of them, I believe there is good in the world and together we can be the good.
No matter what you’re deciding on, when it comes to kids I think every parent questions if they made the right decision. Homeschooling isn’t for everyone, and I applaud you for looking at your family situation and deciding what is best for your family. The important thing to remember is that a lot of these decisions aren’t the be all en all of parenting. It’s a trial and error thing. You see what works, if it does keep it, if it doesn’t look for something new. You’ve got this parenting thing down 😉
Parenting is a trial and error thing. I just hope I don’t make too many errors. 🙂 It has set me free when I stopped looking at everything as black and white, or right and wrong, but rather, what’s right for us?
First off, you had me at: I began to trust that there is good in this world, and that good will follow my children everywhere they go.
Trust is a critical gift for any mother. We must trust in our own abilities, our faith in others when we need support and help, and our trust in someone much bigger and more in control of ourselves. I am so glad I followed the advice of ordinarygalextraordinarylife to visit your blog, I am always looking for people to collaborate with and I hope you and will speak about that soon.
It’s not easy to trust and let go, but when I finally did, it has given me such a freedom and confidence. I’m so glad you’ve stopped by from Michelle’s blog. I’d love to chat with you in the future.
You’re a gem, mama.
xo
Good for you! Homeschooling isn’t for everyone – nothing is! You have to find what works for your own family. I know I could never homeschool, and I’m always amazed at the people who do it well. I don’t have the discipline, I need the distance from my kids, and they need the socialization with other kids and adults. Trust your decision and watch what happens next.
I’m finding that out. We need distance too! I’m excited to see what happens next, because I know they’re in a good school and are going to have a great experience.
Funny thing- I get this sooo much. You shared my greatest fear if I DID in fact decide to home school. It’s been brewing in my heart for years for various reasons, and now with my daughter starting middle school- I almost pulled her home.
I hope you read my post about it- I think I linked that one up. My perspective isn’t about the good in the world, but about God’s supervision and purpose in it.
Good for YOU for realizing it wasn’t a good fit for you and your family! Good for you for giving yourself the grace and making a tough decision for everyone’s heart and sanity! I applaud your genuine honesty here, Charity. Thank you so much for this…
How did I miss that post?? I’m on my way to read it. God’s supervision is a must, and it’s exactly what brings the good into our lives, and it’s what covers us when we stumble on the not so good.
Pingback: Your SEO optimized title