I’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling

I‘ve lost that lovin’ feeling.

No need for panic. It’s not Matt or my kids (at least not today). I’ve lost my love for this place, my writing. Several years ago, as I began to share my story, and I discovered a buried passion for writing. I felt something inside of me ignite, and I never believed that flame would die. Until it did.

I Lost That Lovin' Feeling @charitylcraig

At first, I panicked, because the last thing I want on my resumé is one more discarded life beau, because my journey is already littered with old possibilities, but this time, this writing thing felt different, this time it felt like true love. It came easy, and whether I’m good at it or not, well, I guess that’s a matter of opinion. So, to feel the passion fizzle felt like a failure.

I can’t say what caused the cavern between us. Maybe I listened to too many writing “experts” on what I should be doing.

Maybe I stopped writing for me, and started writing for you. Maybe I forgot I’m already accepted, and was trying to get your acceptance.

Maybe my writing began to define me, which sucks, because writing is a terrible definer.

Maybe I was procrastinating, which Elizabeth Gilbert says is just another form of fear. So, maybe I’ve just been afraid, or maybe I’ve used fear as an excuse.

Or maybe I just needed to rest my heart and soul.

Whatever the reason, I’ve chosen to accept it and practice just being — in every single minute of every single day. I’ve decided to rest my hands and heart, and not to make any decisions, you know like, should I stay or should I go?  I decided to show up in life, and just be present.

You know what’s happened this summer? Nothing exciting — a simple and average life.

Then, today I felt a tiny warmth reignite inside my chest.

 

10 Comments

  • Amber
    2 years ago

    I know the feeling! After my hysterectomy I couldn’t collect my thoughts on paper for months. I began to panic what if it was gone already!?!? I have decided like you to just live by the spirit in the moment and not stress. If God wants me to write something I pray I will be in tune to it. It took Pastor John passing away to ignite it again. Just waiting to see what God is saying to me next. Love ya lady!

    • 2 years ago

      I’ve found events spur the creative juices, too, just like having events dry them up. I’m glad to hear you’ve felt a new ignition (even if it was from the passing of someone you love). I know new things are going to be spoken through you! Love ya! xo

  • 2 years ago

    After 7 years of blogging, I have also fend the “sizzle” fade. I am still around, but much less, and trying to figure out how to move forward while at the same time allowing God to bring healing and restore my brokenness. Bless you my dear sister.

    • 2 years ago

      Once again, it all comes down to the journey, right? It’s like sometimes we need to sit down and rest on the journey, sometimes we need to pull into a rest stop and rest. Why do we find this so difficult and…terrible? I know you’re going to find a new grove on this new phase in the journey. Bless you!

    • Judy
      2 years ago

      Barbie,
      I read your comment when I was reading a blog I found on mamapedia. I have never replied to anyone before such as this, but, when I read your words in your comment regarding needing healing for your brokenness, I strongly felt the urge to reply. Not for advice to you…sorry. I wish I could…but for any advice you may have for me. I too am in need for healing. For a broken heart and loss of trust and faith. Without going into detail, I am wondering how you are finding the help you need….what works…..etc. if you don’t feel comfortable sharing advice, I totally understand. I really just felt I may relate and you may be able to advise in a simple practical way. Thanks so much .

      • 2 years ago

        Judy,
        I completely understand your pain of loss of trust and faith. You are not alone in your darkness, and I am giving you a great big hug through the computer right now. I don’t have any magic healing pills or three steps to wholeness, because the road to healing takes time, but what I can suggest is to get help. When you suffer from the internal wounds, they are just as critical as physical wounds, so I recommend getting profession help with a counselor, so you can get out all those painful things that can destroy you, if left inside. Also, learn to love yourself first. Learn to take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, and discover once again the beautiful lady you are. Focus on you while you travel this road to healing. It’s the best gift you can give yourself, others, and this world.

        Thanks for sharing,
        Charity

  • 2 years ago

    I hear you!!!! So deeply Charity. I am there this week too. You really nailed it for me when you said “Maybe I listened to too many writing “experts” on what I should be doing.

    Maybe I stopped writing for me, and started writing for you. Maybe I forgot I’m already accepted, and was trying to get your acceptance.

    Maybe my writing began to define me, which sucks, because writing is a terrible definer.”

    I have worked so very hard to create a space that defines what I believe in, to encourage readers. Yet, I keep reading about the “right” way. And it has sucked the life out of me. Now, my pictures, which define my very writing focus are getting in my way. Wrong sizes, wrong delivery to make them easy to see… it all adds up to time sucks on my day. I’ve yet to have a fully soul restoring art day this summer!

    And I am in charge of my time, so to speak! Oh Charity, bless you sister. You are on the right path. Much love, Christa

    • 2 years ago

      It’s crazy how listening to too many experts can suck the life out of the things that we love. I know we’re on the right path of discovering more of who we are, plus doing a better job at what we do. Keep doing what you love, sister! 🙂

Leave A Comment

Related Posts