How Not to Fail

It was half an hour too early, but I sent the kids to bed anyway. Then, I went and buried myself under the covers. This is where Matt found me an hour later when he and Porter returned from football practice.

“What are you doing?” Matt asked when he finally found me.

“Trying not to quit.” was my muffled response. A couple of days before I had seen a quote on Instagram that said,

It’s only failure if you quit.

I was repeating that to myself when Matt walked in.

It wasn’t my life I wanted to quit, it was everything else. These past few months Matt and I have had to make some really tough decisions in our lives and even though we know we’re making the right ones, they don’t feel good. It feels like we’re taking steps backward, not forward. Our goals are supposed to move us forward. But there are times in life when you’ve got to reassess where you’re going, take a few steps back, pivot and get yourself back on track. I knooooooow that is necessary sometimes. *insert eye roll*

But when you’re in the middle this moment it feels more like failure and that you’re the only one who’s ever experienced it. That’s when all the negative self-talk sets in and you feel like giving up on it all. Maybe it’s not worth all this uncertainty. At least, that’s how I handle it.

So there I was, wallering in my own self-pity acting like I’m the only one who’s ever experienced the ebb and flow of, not even entrepreneur life, just life in general. Since I’m the only one to ever experience painful life adjustment, I thought maybe I’m not cut out for this entrepreneur life. Maybe it’s time to throw in the towel and do something safer like becoming a file clerk at the DMV.

Matt reminded me that it wouldn’t be fair to Lillian & Co. if I quit. We have worked hard to build her to where she is, and quitting would be a selfish act on my part. I knew he was right, so I locked myself in my office and had a good cry.

In the middle of my meltdown, I opened up our site and began to read through all the customer reviews. Message after message, customers wrote thanking US for inspiring them on their journey, giving them hope, and being a spark of joy in their everyday. I realized again that this is not a one-way street. Inspiration flows in two directions. And ultimately this journey is not about me, but about a community of people supporting each other through thick and thin.

I dried my eyes, breathed a prayer of gratitude for divine grace that shows up when we get lost in ourselves, and got back to work.

It’s only failure if you quit.

Today I didn’t quit.

Friend, no matter how far backward you feel like you’ve gone or how uncertain tomorrow may be, you haven’t failed. Don’t give up. Don’t quit. You and me, we’re going to make it, and make it freaking awesome.