Why 50 Shades of Grey Is Not About Sex

The desire is a rushing river carving through the cavern of our hearts. The passion burns with such an intensity that for most of us its the driving force behind our very existence here on earth. It calls to us. The unfulfilled longing will leave us in a broken, desperate, and lonely place.

The desire of all humanity is to be loved intimately without shame. With a desperation we need to know that we aren’t some cosmic mistake, but that we belong here, and that we’re worthy of love. With all our flaws and imperfections, we want to be noticed, desired, and admired just the way we are.

Why 50 Shades of Grey is NOT About Sex


 {Image Source: Amazon Soundtrack Cover]

*Cue Fifty Shades of Grey movie trailer*

To an awkward reporter with an air of confidence, Christian Grey says, “I’d like to know more about you.”

Ashamed, an insecure and downcast Anastasia Steele says, “There’s not really much to know about me. Look at me.”

With a steady gaze at Anastasia, Christian Grey says, “I am.”

Go ahead, watch it. It’s ok, you won’t get dirty.

Did you feel the pounding in your heart? Could you feel the tug of the invisible cord attached to your heart? That moment between Christian and Anastasia is the finger that touches the deepest longing of our heart. That moment was charged with desire, admiration and acceptance. That moment right there is why people are flocking by droves to immerse themselves in this story.

Our deepest longing is to experience deep rooted intimacy with no shame in who we are. We long to be accepted. We long to be noticed. We crave to steal the heart of someone, just by being in their presence. Later Christian Grey says, “I’m incapable of leaving you alone.” Our heart pounds with longing. We want those words whispered into our ears. If only we could evoke that kind of passion in someone.

50 Shades of Grey is not about the sex.

Why else did equal millions storm the fantasy gates to fall in love with a vampire or a werewolf where sex was hidden? Because it’s really about our higher emotional longing of love and acceptance without shame.

The broken and wounded sex of 50 Shades is a symptom of a broken and wounded humanity. When a heart is desperate to fill the emptiness of the heart, if a heart is wounded from rejection, isolation or abuse, then we will say yes to whatever and whoever accepts us just the way we are.

We, Christians, are barking up the wrong tree. Screaming “No!” to the sex of 50 Shades doesn’t give our human hearts an alternative for our longing. It still leaves our hearts empty — desiring. 50 Shades of Grey is not about the sex, it’s an invitation to the human heart, “Come, take my heart. Accept me. Notice me. Love me. Someone please tell me I am worthy of an intimate love, just the way I am.”

Our voices need to match the pounding desire of the heart of Love. We need to hush our outrage toward the sick and wounded, and listen to the beating heart of God. The Creator of all is speaking to the hearts of humanity, do you hear him?

“With one glance of your eyes, you have stolen my heart.”

You see, the creator of all things burns with passion for us — emotional intimacy. With downcast eyes we say, “There’s not really much to know about me. Look at me.”

With a steady gaze He whispers, “I am.”

Our feeble and insecure glance stops God in his tracks. Our very presence ignites a passion in the Infinite. This passion burns absent of all sexual connotations. This intimacy surpasses the broken and wounded human intimacy. It’s His desire for us that fulfills our longing to be loved without shame.


My Desire Is For You -- Why 50 Shares of Grey is Not About the Sex


So, take a moment and calm the fear, quiet the ranting about the sickness and darkness around you, and listen. Do you hear the voice of Love speaking through the wounds of broken chaos?

Can you hear Him whispering to us all,

“I see you.”

“I desire you.”

Your very presence ignites my heart.”

You are perfect, just the way you are.”

You are desired, admired, and noticed. You are worthy of Love. Now let me fulfill your deepest desires.”

You are, we all are, part of a love story. It’s a broken and messy love story, because we are broken and messy, but it’s a love story with a passion burning like a blazing fire and it’s a love as strong as death. Love’s desire is to know you and love you without shame.

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  • Melissa
    4 years ago

    Simply perfect. I couldn’t have said it better myself. Thank you.

  • Stephanie Byrne
    4 years ago

    Great message, thanks for sharing

  • 4 years ago

    LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS Charity! Bravo! Out of all the articles I’ve read about this movie, YOURS speaks truth.

    Now, if only everyone truly understood His Love. THAT is my prayer.

    Thank you for this!

    • 4 years ago

      Thank you a million times! That is my same prayer, Chris! Let’s keep speaking His Love together! Hugs!

  • Staci Henry
    4 years ago

    I’m confused. While I 100% agree that His love is the love we all want and need, it almost sounds as if you are saying that this Truth, His Truth is being communicated to people through 50 Shades of Grey. Please expound on what you have written here in order to provide some clarification.

    Thank you!

    Love and Blessings!


    • 4 years ago

      I’m saying that our longing is true and real, and true fulfillment comes from God, but we must not fight against a symptom of the sickness, but rather continue to chant the truth of where we find our true fulfillment.

  • Cecy V.
    4 years ago

    50 Shades of grey is not about love, it’s about a sick, twisted, unhealthy relationship filled with physical and emotional abuse. I encourage you to read From an expert: http://catholiceducation.org/en/marriage-and-family/sexuality/a-psychiatrist-s-letter-to-young-people-about-50-shades-of-grey.html

    • 4 years ago

      You’re right, it is a story of an unhealthy and abusive relationship. I decided not to speak about the abuse of the story, but rather talk about the longing we all have in our heart to be loved, just the way we are, and if we don’t believe we’re worthy of Love, then we will accept a broken and abusive alternative. My point of writing this post is to touch on all of our emotional longing that this story touches.

  • Beth E
    4 years ago

    I totally agree with what you have written! Thanks for sharing with all of us. And I have watched the movie and read all 3 books, more than once. I see where people whom haven’t read the books see it as an abusive relationship. I see it as two imperfect people coming together and discovering their true selves along the way. Who are we all to judge what goes on behind closed doors? There is only one being that is able to do that

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